Guest Blog by Kathy Stevenson

Unitarian Universalists are known to be thoughtful, creative and interested in making improvements in ourselves and the world around us. We believe in honesty and expressing our feelings. These are positive traits. However, we can be unnecessarily hurtful if our ideas for improvement and our expression of honest emotions are not paired with thoughtful kindness. The intention of making improvements or expressing our feelings can turn into disrespectful critique. One of the first sermons preached in our original sanctuary, now the Fellowship Hall, was about whether it was more important to be honest or to be kind. I believe we can be both.

We are in historically stressful times. Kate has spoken often of the tension we all feel personally with the many challenges to our health, our planet and the justice we wish for. In times of stress it is common to be emotionally fragile, and this reduces our ability to communicate effectively. Often our lowered reserves cause us to lash out at those closest to us. Or in the case of our QUUF community, to communicate with our staff, board members, and each other in ways that lack kindness.

Expressing concern, frustration and different views is critical to an organization. It is how we grow as a community and make improvements. We value congregant input and opinions. In fact we wouldn’t be the successful congregation we are now if it weren’t for our individual and collective energy and ideas.

With the adoption of our Right Relations Covenant, we have made a commitment to share our ideas, feedback and suggestions in loving ways. This is important both congregant to congregant and in our communications with the staff and the board. This is how we support each other, as we endure this wild and turbulent time together. We need tenderness, support, and love – not hostile criticism.

When you experience something that bothers you at QUUF, whether in a written document, an email, a Sunday Service, or a personal interaction, consider this acronym that our C3 (Creating Compassionate Community) Team brought to us a few years back.

Before you speak (or email) THINK:

T – Is it True?
H – Is it Helpful?
I – Is it Inspiring?
N – Is it Necessary?
K – Is it Kind?

Our Right Relations Covenant is simply an expansion and ‘how to’ of this model. Check it out!

Our Right Relations Team (listed below) is available for consultation on QUUF relationships. We can be a sounding board for you to express frustration, concern, or anger. We can be one step in your relationship problem solving. We view conflict as an opportunity – in our Covenant ‘we agree to use compassion, curiosity, reverence and respect while seeking our truths.’

With Love, Kathy Stevenson

Kathy Stevenson, Chair – 360-385-4565
Liesl Slabaugh – 360-990-5663
Onnolee Stevens – 541-778-0138
Laurie Riley – 360-840-5264
Heidi Mattern – 360-774-6674
Diane Haas – 360-301-1146
Dean Carr – 206-714-4736