Guest Blog by Bobbie Hasselbring

When Rev. Kate asked me if I’d write a guest blog, I thought, “Oh, I don’t have anything to talk about.” Then, dear friends started losing loved ones and I watched their deep pain. First, it was someone’s mother dying from COVID-19. Then it was a husband who lived in another country dying from cancer. Most recently, it was losing our own Stan Cummings. All of us experience the death of loved ones and, since many of us are of a “certain age,” loss and grief are something all of us are going to experience more often.

We will grieve for others and, at some point, others will grieve for us. Like my friend, the amazing musician and ukulele teacher, Cali Rose, says, “We are renters in this apartment building of life and sooner or later, we have to turn in the key.”

Here are a few thoughts on grief, some of which I wrote in a note to my friend, Sigrid Cummings. I hope they prove helpful.

Grief is a lot like running a marathon for the first time. You feel afraid, stepping into the unknown. You’re unsure if you can really make this journey.  My own grief marathon began when my mother died. Up until this time, I’d never lost anyone really close to me and I was startled by the intensity of my grief as I began my journey.

This marathon feels long, painful, difficult. There will be times when you want to give up. There will be other times when, buoyed by friends and nature, you are sure you’ll be fine.

The key is to put one foot in front of the other, no matter how it feels in the moment. Slog along. Count the days, the footsteps.

This grief journey is one you must do by yourself. As much as others might want to help, it is essentially a solo trek. You will be buoyed by kindness from friends, loved ones, even strangers. They will reach out with a kind word, encouragement, a cool drink when you are parched. But it is a journey, like running a marathon, that you must do by yourself, for yourself. And you can.

At some point, in the not too distant future, the pain will ease. The memory of it will not go away, but it will fade into something manageable. When you pass the “finish line” and can breathe again, you will realize that this wasn’t a race at all. It is just another milestone in your life’s long journey and, like so many other hard experiences we have along the way, it will shape you, change you and, yes, simultaneously soften and strengthen you.

What Can Losing Someone Teach Us?

For those of us who are left, those of us who must run the grief marathon, what can losing someone we love teach us? For one thing, that we should treasure each moment. Not a one of us has another breath that is guaranteed. The older we get, the more we realize that life slips by quickly way too quickly. As my friend Cali says, “If we have the good fortune to wake up one more day, the rest is gravy. Being here now is a pretty big deal.”

She’s right. Life is precious. Every moment is a gift. Don’t waste it being angry or resentful. Instead, try to fill everyday with some laughter, music, and dancing or other physical activity that fills you with joy. Spend time in nature and appreciate the beauty that surrounds you. Take time to compliment rather than criticize others, including yourself. Tell those you love that you love them every day.

And celebrate every day you have. As Cali’s song says, “This morning something wonderful happened to me…I woke up, I woke up.”