Guest Blog Post from Membership Coordinator, Abigael Crecca.
I am in Eastern Oregon regularly these days, in the quiet and solitude of my family home. Hearing stories and flipping through mountains of photographs to find my place in the order of things. My mom passed away last March, and my nephew Jake is caring for my father with Hospice support. Either my husband or I are there every few months. Here are some of my thoughts from mid-October 2019.
I am more like my mom. We look alike, we love alike (“You sad? Here’s a hug and some food and a prayer.”). We operate alike in many ways – creators, cooks, connection-makers – and we are different. She internalized her suffering and pain. I get angry, I confront, I am a fixer. It is my FOO (Family of Origin) “superpower “. I see the elephant in the room, and I can’t rest until we at least acknowledge it – until we try to fix it.
I am also beginning to see how I am like my dad. Introverted and self-contained. Precise. Particular. Exacting. Correct. Efficient. The negative of this is not allowing others to do things their way – to make their own mistakes and learn; I think we only learn by making mistakes.
I distinctly remember the way I felt when my first child was born. Gazing upon that face and knowing the evolution of all of my grandmothers and all of my sisters, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are in this together. I thought, “Oh, so THIS is what life is about. It is completely different than I thought it was.”
Then again, last spring, when I laid my hands upon my mother’s body, releasing her to the care of her Heavenly Father, I thought, “Oh, THIS is reality, a blown-apart heart and a responsibility to continue loving, THIS is what life is about?”
And now. As I say goodbye to my father, his goodbye sounds like we will see each other in a few months, mine sounds like, “This is it, thank you, I love you.”
One “gift” of being a parent and a child at the same time is we get to live in a house of mirrors.
“Oh, that’s me!” “And that.” Everywhere I turn I learn.
We get to experience the source and stream of our character defaults when we are brought together with our families, and then choose what to accept in others and what to change in ourselves.
Blogging can be so healing for both the writer and the reader. Thank you for this intimate look into your family. I know it will help me with my impending parental loss.
Thank you for sharing, Abi. Our families bring up so much about us that can be challenging- you navigate with such grace.
Oh my, Abi. You have given a gift to so many by sharing your exquisitely expressed thoughts and feelings. I, too, consider all the ways I am “me” – through hurt and healing, joy and loss, profound and ordinary… and all those middle of the road emotions and experiences that seem to keep us steady enough to deal with the great highs and lows.
Abi, I love your writing so much, you always touch me. I read this as John and I are caring for our 2 year old grandchild…more mirrors and more.
Abi this is such deep writing. It brings my heart right up into my hands. You bring up for me all of the complications of loving our family. Thank you.