Guest Blog by Tess Taft
“Give my love to the substance and the shadow…” ~ Roger Rosenblatt
When I think of retiring, I pause, horrified at the thought, because all of the cancer centers where I’ve spent so many years are the places where each inhale and exhale is bathed in the light from my heart. It is where I feel most open to knowing the Light that fills us all, if we allow it, and to let loose with the light from my heart.
Yesterday, I let it loose with my dear husband, and the wind! And, taking the garbage and recycling to the road late last night, I let my love fly toward the patch of stars shining through the whipping windy trees.
Love and fear – the only two emotions, really – and I’ve known my share of fear. I lived in its thrall when I was much younger, and struggle with it now sometimes. I witness its depth and horror daily in others, where I am able to befriend it; in others, as they learn to LIVE with it sitting on their shoulder where it cannot be dismissed. I know that many of them wish at times they could be beamed up and off this planet with its harsh lessons, as I do.
Fear is perhaps the greatest teacher of love, as I learn to put down the sword and breathe with it as it sits in front of me staring, wondering if I’ll feed it chilling thoughts or if I’ll feed it love. I never know, never presume that love will win, and the dance goes on and on. God, the loving universe, throws down the gauntlet. “Take this thought!” it says.
Will I grow with it? Welcome it into my heart? Flee to warm toast and honey? Rarely, I think about the joy of being released from this life, before I once again turn toward the Light in myself, in us all, in the trees, the moon, the stars, the little coyote who wanders onto my path in bright daylight looking frightened and wary.
What a wonderful and well written insight to fear. Truly fear is what we mostly fear within ourselves. Love your perspective! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Tess for your words and for the wonderful work of your career! I was at the hospital yesterday for a doc appointment and read 2 of your leaflets they offered on display about dealing with ilness. You are a gifted writer as well as a dedicated helper. May QUUF be on your list of things to do in retirement!
Tess, your words inspired and soothed me. And reading other’s responses was like opening spiritual gifts.
Tess,
I so understand your reluctance to retire. I was an RN for 35 years and had to retire @62 due to kidney disease. The transition was extremely difficult because it was such a big part of who I am. There was definitely fear as I tried to navigate this new life. Fortunately, the light never dies. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Warm regards,
Terri Teas
Beautiful compassionate and poetic response to life issues we all ask about. Thank you!!
BEAUTIFUL! THANK YOU, TESS.
Love and Fear. Are not both both of them such close friends of Death?
Please say more about this class; is it over? Is it open? Is it in person or by Zoom?
Hi, Kris–The class is almost over now, but I promise to offer it again!
Oh Tess, wow
Thank you, Tess, for being in my “Writing as a Spiritual Practice” class and being willing to share your response to my writing prompt from last week: “To what or who do you give your love?” I’m glad to see people from outside our class benefiting from your insightfulness!
Tess, wise woman, I so respect your depth of understanding, which I know inspires so many of us, those who have worked with you and those who have just observed. I love your message here about fear and love.